You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize