I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
