i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
handjob tips. give me some.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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