You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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