She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
