Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
