forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
