One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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