i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
