I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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