Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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