walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
