I could make wine with my vomit
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
