Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You can't just leave with hair like that
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
