Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
