I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
