I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
