Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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