xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
