My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
