Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize