Buhtt sex?
she looked like the before picture.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
