I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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