I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
