I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
