she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
