That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
