singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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