you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
