The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize