I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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