considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
