I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
