I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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