He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
