It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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