She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
