I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
