sorry about calling you the devil all night.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
