guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
