I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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