I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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