I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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