Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
