these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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