woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
