You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
