After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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