How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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