why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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