im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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