Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
