She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
