How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
