Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
