I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
