she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
