There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
