So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize