and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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