when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
