Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
