before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
