remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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