North Korea, Best Korea!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
