It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
