She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
